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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23584216">Trying to Contain a Nebula of You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_Medusa/pseuds/Peach_Medusa'>Peach_Medusa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Depressive Thoughts, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie doesn't know the losers in this one, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Verbal Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23584216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_Medusa/pseuds/Peach_Medusa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Tear Disease: A disorder which causes the patient to shed tears in the form of stars. Caused by extreme feelings of unrequited love the stars typically have a distinct sound and colour to them. In severe cases the patient's photoreceptors cease to function and render them colour blind. The only known active cure is to have ones feelings of love returned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak &amp; Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trying to Contain a Nebula of You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! I saw this Twitter thread that talked about a new trend similar to Hanahaki disease (coughing up flowers) but instead its called star tear disease. So this fic is based off of that! Warning for some verbal abuse from the lovely Sonia Kaspbrak and depressive thoughts. I hope you enjoy and I vastly appreciate comments, kudos, and helpful criticism! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     He finely placed the noise as the gentle ring of a bell. It reminded him of his neighbors’ cat, its collar ringing with the slightest of movement. The ringing continued and Eddie looked down into his palm, <em>this is why you don’t have friends loser</em>, Eddie thought to himself. The stars in his hands were small but still let out the glow that Eddie had become familiar with. <em>Yellow, blue, green, pink, huh no purple this time</em>. He cupped his palm jerking it slightly so he could hear the ringing again. A few more stars slipped down his cheeks and he easily caught them in his hand. As they glided down his face he noted the unique weight that they carried.</p><p>     This was not how Eddie wanted to spend his fourth period, stuck behind the school crying his eyes out. He was just lucky to have made it far away from the judging eyes of his peers before the tears began. Of course it had been something stupid that had turned Eddie into the bawling mess currently stuck in the back lot of the school. During third period they had been reading Shakespeare’s Romeo &amp; Juliet. Eddie knew how it ended, everyone knew how it ended, in utter tragedy. But the ending still upset him, the freedom to love had been snatched away by the ignorance of others. <em>Being punished for merely wanting to love</em>. It caused Eddie to tear up and run down the hall as soon as the bell rang.</p><p>     The story hit too close to his heart. He thought of his own love that would never fully form, the reason for these stars. Eddie Kaspbrak had fallen for Richie Tozier the first day he met him.</p><p>     After his fathers sudden death during his first year of middle school Eddie’s mother had made the decision to move. It hadn’t been too drastic for Eddie, from one school with no friends to another. Although he had hoped it would be different, that maybe some kind soul would take pity on him and sit next to him at lunch. Those hopes were squashed on his first day when Eddie had slipped in a puddle of water at school and his mother had freaked out immediately threatening to sue the school and rushing Eddie to the hospital to get checked for a concussion. He was forever known as a freak, <em>a fitting title</em> Eddie thought to himself. This followed him throughout his middle school years and into high school. The bullying for Eddie increased in high school but he still vastly preferred it over his time in middle school because that is where he met Richie.</p><p>     Eddie was always the shortest boy in his grade this was exemplified even further when standing next to the seniors at Derry High. Navigating the crowded halls of his high school proved tough for the 5’3” boy during his freshman year. In the haste of trying to make it to his class Eddie ran into another student and was knocked down on his ass. He expected to be yelled at, possibly called a name but instead he was greeted with an apology. “Shit man you ok? Sorry, I didn’t see you there” Eddie looked up to see a hand outstretched. He gladly took it and once on his feet he drank in the figure before him. A tall boy, (Eddie guessed close to 6 foot) lanky with broad shoulders and a mop of charcoal curls on his head. Large black glasses framed his bronze eyes and Eddie noticed several piercings lining his ears. But what took Eddie’s breath away was his smile, it fit so perfectly on his face like a precisely planned painting, up turned slightly in the right corner and filled with kindness. <em>Wow</em>, Eddie had thought followed closely by another <em>wow</em>. The boy picked up Eddie’s books that had been lost in the tumble. “Here you go, sorry about that again.” Eddie accepted the books continuing to look up at the boy before he was tinged red with shame.</p><p>     “Thank you. Sorry.” Eddie scurried past the boy, quickly rushing down the hall and away from the embarrassment he felt. That was his first encounter with Richie Tozier and he was already infatuated. More encounters followed that one, Eddie would often see him in the hallways talking amongst his friends or riding his bike past his neighborhood. He spoke to him a few times, never more than a sentence or two but Richie always had a smile waiting for Eddie and it made his heart melt. It was now Eddie’s junior year of high school and he was still suffocating in his love for Richie.      </p><p>      A sigh escaped Eddie’s lips and he looked at the current collection of stars in his palm.<em> I should toss these into the grass before heading back inside</em>. Just then the back door began to open, its rusty hinges screeching against the movement, giving Eddie the signal to hide. He dove beside the dumpster his instincts kicking in before his head could protest. The smell was abhorrent and he moved his free palm to cup over his mouth and nose. Eddie peaked from his hiding spot to see Beverly Marsh emerging from the door. “Fucking Greta can eat my ass” she mumbled under her breath, quickly pulling a cigarette from her pocket and lighting it up.</p><p>      Eddie recognized Beverly as one of Richie’s friends. There were nasty rumors about her but from what he saw of Beverly she was a smart, kind, and beautiful girl, which is why Eddie was so jealous of her. Beverly and Richie were close, anyone could see that. They hung out constantly and Eddie often spotted them leaning against one another in a content manner. Beverly would be perfect for Richie and unlike Eddie she was a beautiful girl. Eddie cursed to himself as he could feel the buildup of more stars.</p><p>      Eddie weighed his options, he could wait for her to leave but who knew how long that would take. Or he could try to sneak around the corner. The corner wasn’t too far from him, only about a foot or two; he could make it if he was quiet. Eddie tightened his fist over his collection of stars hoping this would muffle the sound. He got into a crouching position to run and began towards the corner. His body, however, had other plans. Once he started his awkward crouching run his center of balance was thrown off and in an attempt to fix it he plummeted to the ground.</p><p>      Eddie crashed into a cardboard box on his way to the ground, releasing his stars upon impact. A very distinct “shit” escaped his lips as the stars let out a chorus of rings. Eddie in that split second forgot Beverly was there but was immediately reminded once he heard the sound of footsteps.</p><p>      “Whoa are you ok?” Beverly said as she stood over Eddie’s crumpled form. <em>Just kill me now </em>Eddie thought to himself before looking up just as Beverly noticed the stars on the ground. She tentatively picked one up inspecting it before glancing down at Eddie. “Do you have star tear disease?” Beverly looked towards Eddie who scrambled to stand up and sprint away. Beverly quickly grabbed his wrist stopping him in his tracks, “wait I’m sorry don’t leave.” Eddie snapped his head towards her, showing the new stars slowly trailing down his face. “It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone. I swear.” Eddie looked Beverly over quickly before nodding and sitting on the ground. It’s not like running away would erase what she just saw. Beverly took the spot next to Eddie inspecting his face. “You’re Eddie Kasper right?”</p><p>      Eddie brought his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around his shins, “Its Kaspbrak.” He mumbled into his knees.</p><p>      “Yeah Kaspbrak!” Beverly beamed at Eddie, “Richie’s talked about you”</p><p>      Eddie perked up at that, Richie was talking about him? Well most people were talking about him, it’s just all they talked about were the negatives. But Eddie was just happy that Richie had mentioned him, even if it was to mock him. “Are you going to tell him about this?” Eddie punctuated his question by picking up a stray star that had landed atop his knee.</p><p>      Beverly shook her head, “Nah, it’s not my secret to tell.” Eddie smiled a little, of course only someone this cool would be friends with Richie. “Does it hurt?” Beverly asked, turning to stare at Eddie, “when you cry the stars that is.”</p><p>      Eddie shook his head, “No it doesn’t hurt, its kind of like crying normal tears. They are weirder though.” He picked up a few of the stars that had been scattered on the ground. “They are heavier, and when they travel down my face it feels….different. I’m not sure how to describe it.”</p><p>      Eddie focused his attention on the stars in his hand.  Beverly plucked a star from the ground and began to gently roll it around her palm. She watched as it softly chimed while traveling. “I heard that when you get star tear disease it makes you colour blind.”</p><p>      Eddie shook his head “That’s only in serious cases.” He looked off into the distance at the trees blowing gently in the breeze. Eddie wasn’t a serious case, not yet.</p><p>      Beverly continued to focus on the star in her hand. There was another lull in the conversation before Beverly spoke again, “I see you sometimes in the library afterschool. Do you like to read?”</p><p>      Eddie continued to look out in the distance, “Not particularly. It’s just, any place is better than home.” He let out a chuckle, too dry to be a real laugh.</p><p>       “I understand.” Beverly looked towards Eddie, who returned her gaze. “Sometimes my home can be…suffocating, ya know? The less time I spend there the more I can breathe” Eddie nodded his head. Never had Eddie empathized with someone so much. Never had he known anyone who understood what he was talking about. “But when I feel like not going home I usually bum around in the official Loser’s Club house ™.” Eddie must have looked confused because Beverly went on to elaborate. “It’s this really cool like underground room thing that my friend Ben made. That’s where me, Bill, Ben, Stan, Mike, and Richie hang out. Ya know if you wanted to you could always stop by and hang out too.” She smiled over at Eddie.</p><p>      “Oh I don’t think I could do that. That’s your guys’ place, I wouldn’t feel right intruding.” Eddie said, eyes downcast.</p><p>      “Nonsense! We would all love to have you. I can show you where it is today.” She kept her gazed locked onto Eddie before gently placing her hand on his shoulder. “Really it’s no trouble.” Beverly smiled at Eddie.</p><p>      Eddie contemplated the consequences. There was the possibility of all this being a cruel prank or his mother finding out and never allowing him outside again, or this could be a genuine attempt at showing kindness and Eddie could finally make a friend. He couldn’t let the opportunity slip away. “Ok, let’s go.” Eddie smiled up at Beverly whose smile only grew wider.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>      The pair decided to ditch the rest of school and head out to the club house. Eddie tried to bite his tongue upon entering. He didn’t want to annoy Beverly by rattling off safety codes. Eddie enjoyed his time with Beverly, she was a kind person and it put him at ease. He didn’t want to scare away a potential friend.</p><p> Eddie couldn’t stay in the club house for too long as his mother was expecting him home early that day but he thanked her for hanging out with him. On the way out Beverly shouted that she would see him at school tomorrow and he replied with an excited “I’ll see you then.” Eddie smiled all the way home.</p><p>      Two weeks passed and Eddie continued his friendly relationship with Beverly. He would often see her at school and after classes ended he would join her in the club house or she would join him at the library. Because he started hanging out with Beverly he ended up becoming acquainted with all the members of the losers club. Bill, the un-official official leader of the group was bold and Eddie admired his bravery. Mike was down to earth and filled in the role of the cool dad of the group, fun but responsible. Eddie loved Stan’s dry sense of humor and how meticulous he could be. Ben was soft spoken and Eddie often talked with him about books. And of course Richie, Eddie thought it was impossible to love someone even more. He had seen Richie the least out of the group but for the few times he had it had been excruciatingly wonderful. Eddie had known Richie was funny but the amount of times he had to hold back fits of laughter was embarrassing especially at Richie’s dirty jokes. Eddie felt he could be breath around Richie, that he could be unabashedly himself. However Richie never stayed long when Eddie was around, usually excusing himself early with a string of excuses flowing from his mouth. Even worse, when Eddie would see him at school Richie continued to smile and make friendly conversation at Eddie but anytime their eyes met Richie would look away instantly. It was starting to make Eddie feel horrendous. Of course the one person he wanted to know the most didn’t give a crap about him, or even worse, actively hated him.</p><p>      Despite this Eddie’s love for Richie had not stopped nor the flow of the stars. Instead both seemed to increase.</p><p>      It was Wednesday when Eddie’s mother told him to come home early and help with chores around the house. Upon entering his house Eddie was greeted with his mother sitting at the kitchen table a small trashcan by her ankles. No, it was his trashcan by her ankles. The one he kept in his room beside his bed. “Ma what are you doing?” But before he even finished the sentence his brain had made the connection. His star tears. He didn’t toss them out this morning.</p><p>      “Eddie-bear, how could you keep this from me? I was cleaning your room and I see all these stars in your trashcan. How long have you had star tear disease? How long have you been lying to me?” Sonia stood from her chair. Eddie didn’t reply, he continued to stare at his trashcan. “Who are you crying over Eddie?” no response. Sonia stepped closer to Eddie, looming over him. “Eddie answer me. Who are you crying over?”</p><p>      “No one Ma.” Eddie said meekly, eyes downcast.</p><p>      “Well it has to be someone Eddie.” He continued to stay silent. “Is it that Beverly Marsh girl?” Eddie snapped his head up to stare at his mom. “I know that you’ve been hanging around that tramp Eddie. All of those kids she hangs around with are dirty, especially that Tozier boy.”</p><p>      “Do not talk about him like that, you have no right!” Eddie shouted at his mother.</p><p>      Sonia stood there in shock before her face molded into a sneer. “Oh I see how it is. Is that who is causing all this mess? That filthy Tozier boy? He is no good none of them are. Eddie I forbid you to see him or any of those other children.”</p><p>      “You can’t do that! They’re my friends Ma!” Eddie continued to shout at his mother even when the stars began to slip down his cheeks.</p><p>      “They’re not your friends Eddie-bear. Look what they’ve done to you, they’ve made you sick.” Sonia placed her hand on Eddie’s cheek, scowling when he flinched at the contact. “Look how sick you are Eddie, you look disgusting. You don’t need friends like that, all you need is your mother.” Sonia enveloped Eddie in a hug, gently petting his hair. “There there, don’t worry your mother is here for you.” Eddie didn’t respond he just stood there, letting the stars continue to glide down his face. “Now clean this up Eddie and head straight to your room. You lost dinner privileges since you yelled at me.”</p><p>      Eddie nodded his head, “Yes Mommy.”</p><p>      Sonia smiled, leaning down to kiss Eddie on the cheek. “I love you Eddie-bear.”</p><p>      Sonia looked expectedly at Eddie who softly replied “I love you too Mommy.”   </p><p>      Eddie cleaned up any stars that had collected on the ground, shoveling them into his trashcan. He dumped them outside and headed to his room, trashcan still in hand. He sat on his bed feeling numb. More stars escaped his eyes, he couldn’t stop them. He choked out a sob and soon a flood of star tears cascaded down his cheeks. He wondered how much he could cry before the room would flood. He would never see his friends again, the only friends he had managed to make. He had ruined what tentative relationship he had with Richie. There was still so much love Eddie held for Richie but it was wasted, Richie would never return his feelings. <em>How could I be so stupid to think anyone would love me?</em>  Eddie sat in his bed that night and cried until he fell asleep.</p><p>       In the morning Eddie woke up and could no longer see colour. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Say hi! I love to talk about fandom stuff :)  <br/>my tumblr: pinkmedusa6<br/>my twitter: Pink_Medusa6</p></blockquote></div></div>
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